In Search
by Windflicker
Summary: Since Red's disappearance, out of grief, Leaf and Blue refuse to mention his name. But when Leaf hears a rumor that he might be on Mt. Silver, they can't help but to go investigate. Is he really up there? What is he doing? And why did he leave?
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note:_

Hey guys, so I actually redid this story and am in the process of reposting the chapters. I took out some of the profanity (haha), changed some plot, and generally tried to make it flow better. So, sorry, please bear with me, and I'll try to get them up quickly! Enjoy!

And for new readers: Welcome! I hope you like this story. :)

Oh, and one more note about this story: I'm purposely keeping the shippings really open-ended. I don't really know exactly where it's going romantically, although I do have an idea (probably not overly hard to guess). But it's more fun and suspenseful when anything could happen! So stay tuned! :)

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

With a sigh of exasperation and a fierce yank at his tawny brown hair, Blue Oak leaned across the doorway and fixed his furious brown eyes on me.

"Tell me, Leaf…what the hell did you _do_ this afternoon?"

I opened my mouth to retort, but the tiny whimper that managed to escape didn't even make it past my throat. My heart sank. You see, there was nothing I _could_ say to explain myself out of the situation. And even if there was, my voice had just made it very clear to me that it had no intentions of obeying me.

Instead, I bit the inside of my cheek and tore my eyes away from his, guiltily. Blue was staring down at my body, but this time, unlike what he usually did with all members of the female species, he wasn't checking me out. Not even close. His eyes traveled over my arms and legs, examining my skin with a mixture of horror and bewilderment, his eyes burning.

_Not good, Leaf. Not good._ I bit my lip, racking my brains for an excuse.

"And is that my _jacket_?" he exclaimed, his voice mounting in frustration as he pointed toward an unrecognizable black lump of fabric and mud cradled in my arm. Reflexively, I dropped the coat, and he practically jumped a foot in air.

"Oh…and now you're _dropping _it? Pick it up!" Blue stopped gripping his hair and flung his hands up in the air, his eyes practically bulging. It would have been a pretty funny sight if the situation hadn't been so serious. "Pick it up!"

"Geez, okay, I will!" I muttered, bending down. My other hand tugged at the bottom of my skirt, making sure it didn't ride up my legs as I leaned over. Because not only did I not want my sleazy friend checking me out, but unfortunately, my legs weren't exactly a pretty sight at the moment. As I stood back up, I caught a glimpse of Blue's face—any other day, he would have unabashedly snuck a peek at the sight of any girl's bare legs. But now he wasn't even looking.

He must have been _really _mad. Not that I blamed him for it.

At the moment, my skin looked as if a toddler had taken a red crayon to paper for the very first time. Dark red scratches and welts, some fresher than others, crisscrossed all over my skin, trailing from my elbows to my wrists, and some sliced across my shins. Wet trails of dirt shone like sweat on my skin, muddying the gashes into a watery brown-red mess that lay in a thin film over my skin. Gross.

I was only glad I hadn't worn my usual skirt and legwarmers, or my legs would have been even more torn up than they already were. My leggings had ripped at the bottoms, above my boots, exposing the well-scratched skin underneath. I was glad I had grabbed Blue's jacket, or my arms would have looked worse, too.

"Here." Turning over my shoulder, I held the jacket out to him. "Take it."

There was a soft, soggy thump as Blue jumped and pushed the jacket back at me. "Damn it, Leaf, I don't _want_ it!" He stared at the soaked piece of fabric like it was a crime against humanity and wiped his hands on his pants. They left streaks of mud on the tan fabric. "I don't care about the jacket!"

"Oh, really," I quipped dryly. "Because a second ago you looked like you _definitely_ cared."

_Priss_, I added silently.

"Oh, be quiet, Leaf." Blue scowled, looking very much like a pissed off Pidgeotto, the way he always did when he got angry. "This might come as a shock to you, but I don't really want to hear your smartass comments right now." Pressing his hand against the door frame, he leaned closer toward me, his eyes boring into mine. "Now please, tell me what happened."

I took a deep breath and swallowed, winding a lock of thin brown hair around my finger.

"I…um…" I cleared my throat. "Look, Blue, as you might be able to tell, I really need to go wash up and take a nap right now," I stalled, my eyes darting toward the bathroom on one side of the hallway where we were standing, and toward my room on the other. "Seriously. I've had a long day, I don't want my cuts to get infected, and if you hadn't shown up when I had gotten home, I would have just—"

"Well, too bad, because I did show up," he cut me off. "What, do you expect me to just sit there when one of my best friends comes home covered in bloody scratches and dirt, wearing my jacket, and running past me toward her room with absolutely no explanation?" He shook his head. "No. Sorry, Leaf, but the answer is no. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I didn't ask you what the hell was going on."

I sucked in my breath. Okay, there was no denying it. He had a point. But still…shouldn't a friend's first priority be to make sure that you felt okay upon arriving home, and to get you a nice shower and a warm and comfy bed to sleep in? I was pretty sure I looked like I needed a good nap.

"Okay, fine. I get it," I sighed. "I just—I need to rest right now, okay?" I raised a hand to my forehead and touched the throbbing ache on the spot over my eyebrows. "I've had a rough day, and everything really hurts right now. So…could you please move out of the way so I can lie down and take a nap? Pretty please?"

Blue raised his eyebrows and studied me from head to toe. Maybe I was wrong; maybe he was checking me out. He was probably used to the motion, seeing as he did it to a million girls a day. I tugged self-consciously on the hem of my skirt before I remembered that I was wearing leggings. Ripped leggings, but leggings all the same.

"I can get you a First Aid Kit for your cuts, Leaf, but I don't see what would take such a long and awful explanation that you can't just tell me first," Blue was saying matter-of-factly, his voice calm once again.

I bit my lip. But that was exactly it. I _couldn't_ tell him. If I told him, I would be completely breaking the unspoken promise the two of us had established a few months ago. If I told him, I couldn't even tell you what a horrible friend I would be.

Because trust me, I never wanted to see that look in his eyes again, that gleam of terror I didn't even know could exist in those eyes, could crack such a dent in his flawless exterior.

Honestly, it was better if he didn't know.

"I…I just can't, okay, Blue?"

For a moment, the look in his eyes, the confused vulnerability and surprise that shone in there for an instant, reminded me all too much of the face we had been trying to block out for months.

No. This is _Blue_, Leaf. _Blue_, I reminded myself, feeling flustered for thinking of something like that at a time like this._ Blue Oak._ The annoying kid who had been my rival since we were little. You know, that arrogant jerk?

I was expecting him to call me out on it, to keep pressing on relentlessly about what the hell I meant by I _couldn't_ tell him, the way that anyone would if they heard a stupid answer like the one I just gave him. But Blue surprised me by holding up his hands and taking a step back.

"Well, you're going to have to tell me sooner or later, you know," he said, crossing his arms. He narrowed his eyes and gave me a pointed stare. "But I'm just going to let you know that this 'I can't tell you' business isn't helping your case at all, Leaf. You can't tell me? What do you mean by that?" He shrugged, answering his own rhetorical questions before I could, and thrust his hands into his pockets. "Whatever. I'll find out in time, anyway. But go ahead, you're right, you should probably fix up those cuts."

I stood still and stared at him suspiciously for a few seconds, wondering if it was some kind of trick. He had been so adamant on knowing a few moments ago. Did he really have that much consideration in him, or was he just trying to use some ploy on me, like reverse psychology or something along those lines?

But Blue just smirked back at me and shrugged again.

What an arrogant jerk. I hated that smirk. Always have, always will.

"Well, _thank_ you, then," I quipped, sticking my tongue out at him in immature retaliation, and swept past him into the bathroom.

I turned the water on cold and ran it gently over each of my cuts, wincing as the liquid sliced into them like a blade of ice. At least it wasn't hot water, I reminded myself. Soap also would have hurt like crazy, so I skipped on it and just rinsed out the scratches as best as I could, watching the thin, disgusting, diluted soup of mud and blood and water trickle down the drain.

I frowned. The truth was that I didn't like lying to Blue. I didn't like lying, period. I wasn't one of those people who liked to build up walls and keep all their secrets from their friends. Especially now that we were close enough that we lived together, in an apartment together in Viridian City, located conveniently in the city where Blue worked as the Gym leader.

But on days like this it felt strange. Sometimes, it felt like a huge chunk of our lives was missing, as if a bulldozer had come by one day and ripped part of our apartment away, leaving only a few rooms intact, while the two of us kept on walking around and living our lives pretending that nothing had happened. Even when the roof was gaping open, and one of our rooms opened straight to the outdoor air, we just kept on going with the charade that our apartment was complete. Even if, if we weren't careful about it, we could step off the edge of it any day and plummet straight down to the ground below.

I could hear Blue shuffling outside, his footfalls thumping against the wooden floor, his pants rustling as he paced. I heard the groan of the sofa as he plopped himself down in the living room again and picked up the remote control. I heard the Saturday morning Pokemon cartoons come back on, and I heard him snort quietly to himself and switch the channel to something else that sounded vaguely like the news.

That was what we were doing, though, wasn't it? Having a piece of our apartment ripped away wasn't too far off from the truth. We already pretended one of the rooms in it didn't exist.

The door to the room between ours was perpetually closed, and blank save for a Pikachu sticker that had peeled slightly at the edges. From day to day, we passed by it dozens of times, but we refused to ever look at it. The fingers that had plastered it on the door seemed like nothing but those of a stranger, a ghost. They hadn't actually existed…had they?

I turned off the faucet and grabbed a towel from the rack, dabbing it gingerly on my wet injuries.

But of course they had.

When we decided to buy the apartment and room together, it hadn't been the two of us, just Blue and I. It hadn't been the two of us who had gone out for dinner to celebrate the new Champion and Blue's new job, who decided by the end of the night that we were moving in together. It hadn't been the two of us who had belied that we were an unstoppable team of best friends. It hadn't been the two of us who clinked glasses and drank on it, linking arms, unbelievably excited for our futures.

It had been the _three_ of us, the trio of best friends that had existed ever since we were two-year-olds growing up in Pallet Town.

It hadn't always been Leaf and Blue. Once upon a time, it had been Leaf, Blue, and Red.

But not anymore. Red was gone.

No one had seen him for months ever since the day he disappeared from our apartment without a trace, all of his belongings vanished, even his bed neatly made. He had left nothing behind, no evidence that he had ever lived with us, except for a single unused Poke Ball that he had left on the floor in his room.

No one had been able to find him, not the police, not his mom, not Professor Oak or the Gym leaders of Kanto or former Champion Lance. Not Blue and me. And believe me, we had all tried.

I scrubbed at my wounds and frowned as I remembered the days that had been made up of nothing but We had called everyone who had known Red and flown all over Kanto on our Pokemon's backs, asking random people on the street if they had seen a young boy with a red hat. But of course, they knew who he was. He was the Champion, the legendary Champion of Kanto, and he was nowhere to be found.

He made national press coverage all over Kanto. We saw his face on TV everywhere, with giant, urgent captions glaring at us from the screen: CHAMPION RED GONE MISSING! They had interviewed Professor Oak, who spoke of Red's "humble beginnings" and his conviction that the police would manage to find him, they interviewed the Gym leaders, who talked about what a formidable battler he had been, and they even interviewed his mom, her eyes red-rimmed, her face gaunt with worry. And with a painful jolt, I realized that she was the same kind woman whose home we had visited countless times to bake chocolate chip cookies and sit in Red's room, playing pretend Pokemon Masters.

But worst of all was the thought, pushing at the back of our minds, that the disappearance hadn't been involuntary. It wasn't like Red had been kidnapped or taken away by force, or even murdered. If that had been the case, I couldn't see why whoever had done it to him would have taken all of his belongings, too.

No, his room was completely empty, his bed neatly made.

It was as if Red had never even set foot in the apartment. As if he had been some ethereal guest who had floated in one day, stayed with us for a few months, and then floated right on out again with a tip of his hat, politely cleaning up after himself and removing any sign that he had been here, save for that single Poke Ball that I saw Blue pick and tuck it into his pocket.

Maybe that was his farewell to us. Maybe that was all he had decided to leave behind as a memory of himself when he took off that day, never to be seen again.

It was hard not to believe that he had done that after seeing that empty room, bare as it had probably been the day it was constructed. And yet it was much, much harder to believe it.

It was hard to think that Red wouldn't even bother telling us goodbye if he suddenly decided to leave one day. That Red would even _want_ to leave like this. Didn't we mean anything to him—his childhood friends, the two people closest to him? Hadn't he loved us, the same way we loved him?

Red had never simply been "the Champion" to us. Sometimes Blue acted like he hated him, but all of us knew better. Red was our best friend. Sharp-tongued and argumentative as Blue and I were, Red had always held us together. We thought it would always be that way—the three of us against the world.

I never again wanted to see the way Blue looked after that morning when we found him gone.

The morning he woke up and saw that empty room, his eyes had been so…hollow. It was a look I had never thought I'd see on his face, like a dying flame, eating away at the impeccable coolness of those brown irises.

It was a look I hoped to never see again.

It was a look I never _would_ see again, because Red was gone. We had accepted it, and slowly, as the news about it trickled away and the mystery began to fade into the past, so did the amount of time we spent talking about him. Slowly, gradually, it had dwindled down to nothing.

We no longer talked about Red. Remembering him was too painful. That was our unspoken promise: to never mention him again.

I slung the towel back on the rack and cast a glance into the mirror. Resolute hazel eyes stared back at me from under a long mane of stick-straight brown hair, free from the white hat I had left behind that morning. I set my jaw and stared back.

I wasn't a promise-breaker. That was why I couldn't tell Blue where I had been that morning. That was why I couldn't tell him, no matter how much I wanted to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"So. Are you ready to tell me yet?"

Tendrils of long brown hair brushed against my knee as I bent over it, my leg propped up on a stool, a Band-Aid poised a few inches above my skin. I turned over my shoulder to see Blue's smirking face behind me, and let out a sigh. His arms were crossed as he stood against the kitchen counter, looking smug and arrogant as always.

"No." I turned back, ignoring him, and finished smoothing the flaps of the Band-Aid down on my shin.

I had already used up about half the package I found in the First Aid Kit tucked in one of the drawers in our kitchen, after I finished pasting them on my arms and one of my legs. The bandaging process had been a challenge. The scratches were awfully close to each other, and we didn't own any of those conveniently huge Band-Aids that could have covered them all at once. But by twisting my head back and forth and painstakingly arranging them in all sorts of skewed angles, somehow, I had made it work.

In any case, I told myself, even if they looked weird, even if they looked like some artist had decided one day on a whim that it would be a good idea to do an abstract painting with Band-Aids, a giant bandage would have been even more bizarre wrapped around some small cuts like these. It wasn't like I had broken my leg or anything, for Arceus's sake. It was a minor injury, a bunch of tiny scratches. The kind that little kids got when they fell and scraped their shins.

Honestly, when it came down to it, I didn't know what Blue was so worried about. Why did he have to suddenly get so worked up, like it was any of his business? Why was he so concerned all of a sudden about how I had gotten them? It was touching, this gesture of friendship from a guy like him, but now wasn't the moment or the situation where I wanted it.

Well, in any case, I wasn't going to answer his questions. I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to keep my mouth shut about it, like I had promised myself. He didn't have to know.

As much as I wanted to tell him, I wasn't going to. Even if it was the biggest thing that had happened since Red became Champion.

As much as I wanted to…

Blue sighed, a long, dramatic, drawn-out sigh, and leaned against a drawer in the kitchen. "Come on, Leaf, why not? Don't you trust me?"

"No," I deadpanned, keeping a straight face. I was feeling a lot more in control now that I had taken that nap.

Blue drew back, feigning hurt. "But _Leaf_," he drawled, "we're _best friends_. Aren't best friends are supposed to tell each other everything?"

I turned over my shoulder and smirked at him, mirroring his own expression. "Blue, you're not going to get it out of me by yelling at me, and you're definitely not going to get it out of me by whining."

The resulting pout that won from him almost made me burst out laughing.

I reached for another Band-Aid as Blue let out a dissatisfied puff of air and temporarily gave up, turning toward the TV. He picked up the remote and, with a bored look on his face, flicked it on and leaned against the counter. His black polo shirt rippled across his torso as he did so, and I couldn't help but look as the fabric stretched across his chest and stomach, outlining the muscles that lay underneath.

Realizing what I was doing, I blinked and tore my gaze away, pushing the box of Band-Aids aside with more force than I had intended. Thank Arceus that I wasn't someone who blushed easily. Seriously. If he had seen me eyeing him, I would never hear the end of it. What had I been thinking? _Blue_?

I mean, if guys could, then a girl could look, and I could see why he was such a ladies' man—he had the looks, that was for sure. But that didn't mean I had to go and play his own game, checking him out like that. He was like my brother. My _annoying_ brother. We had known each other all our lives. It wasn't like I _liked_ him or anything. Oh Mew, no.

But luckily, Blue hadn't seen. He was still staring nonchalantly at the screen and tapping his foot against the floor. Brushing off my thoughts and pasting a last Band-Aid on my ankle, I stood up and joined him.

On the TV, a live-broadcast Pokemon battle was unfolding, the caption at the bottom of the screen announcing that it was in the Fighting Dojo in Saffron City. A Tentacruel and a Seadra floated in the middle of a water arena, sizing each other up as they swam back and forth, trailing bubbles in their wake. Their two trainers stood at either end of the arena, staring down at the big pool that stretched out beneath them. Spectators on the sidelines cheered loudly.

The Seadra suddenly lunged forward as the trainer on its side—a boy wearing a baseball cap—raised his arm and hollered, "Ice Beam, Seadra!"

A jet of crystal-clear ice shot from the Seadra's mouth and froze the water around it as it arced all the way across the arena to slam into one of the bright red jewels on the head of the Tentacruel. The Tentacruel shuddered, its eyes narrowing, tentacles wavering beneath it as it struggled to regain its balance.

"No, Tentacruel!" its trainer, a girl with blond ringlets fastened in a bun on the top of her head, yelled into the pool. "Counter it with a Poison Jab!"

The Tentacruel righted itself and waved its tentacles menacingly as it swam forward at the Seadra, glaring at the seahorse Pokemon. The Tentacruel lurched forward when it was within a few feet, and the Seadra dodged deftly, seeming to bounce on its swirly blue tail against the water. A cry rose from the audience.

The Tentacruel tried again, zipping forward with its sharp blue beak outstretched. The point gleamed forebodingly with poison. I saw Blondie's knuckles turning white as her fingers gripped the railing in anticipation, but the Seadra managed to avoid the attack again, spinning backward and letting out a triumphant bleat as the Tentacruel's missed shot sent a stream of bubbles rushing past it. Her face fell in disappointment.

"Yeah!" Baseball Cap cried, punching his fist in the air.

But on the third try, as the Tentacruel surged forward again, eyes hard with determination, its blue beak managed to lodge into the Seadra's belly. The crowd roared as the jellyfish Pokemon detached itself and ricocheted backward, its eyes seeming to smirk in triumph. The Seadra faltered, sinking down a few inches in the water. A sickly purple shade settled across its face and bubbled from its mouth in a violet haze.

Baseball Cap let out a yell of frustration and slammed his hand against the railing. A wide smile broke across Blondie's face, and she slowly released the railing, her fingers relaxing.

"Aaaaand it looks as if Trainer A's Pokemon has been poisoned!" an announcer's voice shouted over the spectators' cheers. "The battle has taken a sudden turn! Will Seadra manage to fight a hard-won victory even under a status condition? Or has Tentacruel landed a winning blow?"

With a flash, the water arena and the screaming fans disappeared. I sat back with a small jolt, surprised. The screen blinked, and in an instant, a navy blue backdrop had replaced the water arena, the two trainers taken over by a prissy-looking anchorwoman and an older man seated in front of the background, staring at us from the screen with serious eyes. I recognized them immediately as two of the reporters from _Kanto News Today_.

I turned and gave Blue a _look_ as he set the remote back on the table. An expression of mild amusement played across his face, and he shrugged.

"That was boring. Those trainers weren't very good."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, like you could do much better? Those Pokemon seemed pretty well-trained to me."

"As a matter of fact, I could," he retorted, grinning. "I wasn't Champion once for nothing."

_Yeah, for all of ten minutes._ But it would have been cruel in many ways to remind him, so I kept my mouth shut.

Blue fell silent as well, the smirk evaporating from his face like a layer of sand blown away by the wind, I had a feeling that he was remembering, too.

Even though he joked about it from time to time, I knew he didn't like to think about his short-lived title of Champion. He had risen so high, the highest any Pokemon trainer could go—only to be defeated moments later by his best friend. Red walked straight through that grand door to the Pokemon League and, unblinkingly and practically unintentionally, knowing him, faced Blue down with his solemn eyes and slammed his rival's team into the ground.

It was kind of sad, actually. Being Champion was supposed to bring anyone glory. But the fact that he had gotten there at one point in his life only to be dethroned moments later only brought shame to Blue.

And of course, mentioning his defeat meant mentioning Red, and we all knew how well _that_ would go over.

I could remember the last time one of us had slipped up, only two weeks ago. It had been a particularly good day at the Gym for Blue, which I could tell by the wind-blown smile on his face, and as soon as he came home and dropped his bag on the couch, he challenged me to a battle.

I accepted gladly, of course. I was always eager to beat some sense into my old rival's ego-inflated brain. And hell, I was one of the only people he still lost to nowadays.

We went back into the arena in the Gym, and Blue started the match with his Arcanine. Grinning, I let out Vaporeon, the same Vaporeon whose back I had surfed on for almost all of my journey across Kanto, my old friend. With a few Surfs, Arcanine was down. Blue withdrew him, nonchalantly, like he hadn't expected anything different, and sent out Exeggutor. I started to reach for a Poke Ball to switch out Vaporeon, but Exeggutor got there first with a Seed Bomb, and my buddy fell to the Grass attack.

But I had another Pokemon ready—Charizard, my first Pokemon, my best friend. Char knocked out Exeggutor with one easy Flamethrower the moment his wings erupted from the Poke Ball, with that red flash of light; half the time, I had trouble telling whether that light came from him or the Poke Ball.

I didn't even have to say the command. It made me smile. I knew Char, and he knew me.

Blue lifted a Poke Ball from his belt, his face sharp with concentration, and of course, I had known what was coming as he sent out his own starter, Blastoise.

"You know, you're getting almost good as Red these days," I laughed.

It was a laugh that cut itself off with a short breath and a crushing blow of dread. The focus faded from Blue's face, and the set in his jaw hardened into a grimace as he gave me the most brisk of nods. I shook my head, mouth open in horror, hair sashaying around my shoulders.

Char and Blastoise froze in the middle of their battle, their eyes no longer fixed on each other as they cast a worried look at us. I saw the flash of concern in Char's blue eyes as he turned his head over his shoulder to meet mine, a puff of smoke flaring from his nostrils. A sudden, warm wave of affection for both of our starter Pokemon surged inside me. The two of them knew their trainers well enough to know that something was amiss.

"No—Blue—I didn't mean—"

What didn't I mean? There was nothing wrong with the statement I had made. I was just wrong for mentioning it.

"It's fine." Blue's voice was crisp. "There's nothing to apologize for. You're right."

"Blue—I just mean—I'm sorry for…"

_For slipping up. For breaking our promise_.

It would have been all right to joke about it if Red had been here. If he had still been there to flush and chuckle and duck his head at all of the praises people sang to his talent. Now that he was gone, now that he was a name and not a person, not our friend, it wasn't okay. Now it was only an insult to Blue's memory. To Blue himself.

"Yeah. Whatever."

With a flick of his wrist, before either I or the blue turtle knew what was happening, Blue had withdrawn Blastoise to his Poke Ball and jammed it into the pocket of his khakis. Blastoise's eyes were a murky, muddled pool of confusion as he shimmered and disappeared into his Ball. His trainer thrust his other hand into his pocket and paced away, disabling the sliding panels of the Gym with one heavy push at the switch and striding across the fading lights on the floor, the electronic red and blue and yellow flickering away into metallic darkness with every echo of his footsteps.

Char let out a breath of hot air and leaned his head against my shoulder. I reached up and patted his snout softly, remembering for some reason his days as a Charmander. A cute little lively thing without the powers yet to burn across battlefields. To truly hurt, and to destroy.

Blue—or maybe it was Red—was the same.

"Gah, I didn't mean it, Char," I muttered. "You know that, right?"

He growled in agreement, the sound churning in the back of his fiery throat, low enough that I could feel the vibrations against my hand.

I loved Pokemon. I loved the way they always understood, and didn't ask for anything else. I loved the way they were willing to do anything for their trainers because they knew without being told that we would do the same back.

We never finished that battle. Instead, Char and I walked out of the Viridian Gym alone, dragon and girl, in pursuit of a stupid, watery blue guy who had to understand that some things were better purged outside of your system in bright, unrestrained flame, than washed away in the indecipherable realm of floods and rapids.

But he could have it his way. The two of us sat there quietly in the kitchen, our eyes glued on the Kanto news channel, and still, I said nothing about it. Nothing at all. Blue didn't have to know. He probably didn't even want to know. I was doing him a favor…wasn't I?

Neither of us were really listening to what the anchor was saying as she rattled off a long list of reports in her boring, official tone. I caught something about a minor theft in Fuchsia City, a wild Kingler performing a heroic act of rescue on a drowning Bulbasaur (to the relief of its sobbing trainer, fresh from Pallet Town), and a plunge in business stocks for Silph Co. Yawning contentedly, I leaned against the table and propped my legs up, glad that I had changed into a pair of shorts.

"—and coincidentially, there have been reports that small gangs possibly related to…the notorious _Team Rocket_…may once again be cropping all over in the next region over of Johto," the woman declared earnestly.

I sat up, tuning in, as Blue shifted next to me. That was odd.

"Even though former Champion Red of Kanto is famous for having taken down their leader, Giovanni, almost three years ago, police have heard increasing reports of suspicious activities going on in various towns and cities in Johto." She cleared her throat and clasped her hands together. "Citizens of Johto and Kanto should try not to be too alarmed, as these reports remain, for now, merely rumors. Nonetheless, people in both regions are encouraged to keep on the alert for suspicious people and activities and to report them to the local police if they see anything that causes them alarm."

I swallowed, an uncomfortable feeling boiling in the pit of my stomach.

Team Rocket, making a comeback? After Red had so unceremoniously taken them down a few years ago? I remembered the cheers of the crowds in the streets of Kanto as people everywhere celebrated their demise, happy to have their stolen Pokemon back, for the victims of the organization. Were those pathetic, dangerous thieves seriously trying to reband? That didn't sound good.

I cast a sideways glance at Blue, but his eyes were fixed straight ahead on the TV, his face expressionless.

Team Rocket's return—was it even possible?

"Ah, Champion Red…" the man spoke up. The mention of Red's name seared across his tongue, and sympathy tinged his dark eyes and shot straight into my gut like a jet of ink. "He went missing a few months ago, didn't he?"

At his words, my stomach twisted itself into a chain of squeamish knots, and I pulled my knees closer to my chest.

"Yes, he did," the woman replied, inclining her head. The knots tightened. A sour feeling was starting to creep up my chest. "The young, legendary Champion of Kanto disappeared a few months ago, to the grief of his admirers, his family, and his close friends, who are still coping with the loss."

One of us should be picking up the remote now and changing the channel. It wouldn't be that hard. One click, and this would be over. Why weren't we reaching for the remote? Why wasn't either one of us moving?

I prayed to Arceus that she would stop talking, _please_, but her next words fell like boulders on my head.

"But we here at Kanto News Today have some hope to offer those of you who are still grieving for the lost Champion…"

Oh, no. Really?

A chilling hand of fear gripped me and pinned my arms to my sides. Was it really going to be this bad? I should have known at the mention of his name. I should have known.

Even as the ice crystallized around me, I fought to break free and grab the remote. Shivers spasmed down my spine, choking me speechless. Still the words came crashing down, slamming down on my head, breaking on my shoulders and sending broken chips and splinters and scars flying everywhere. Concrete.

I didn't dare look at Blue. I couldn't.

"Rumors from Johto claim that Trainer Red was spotted at the top of the highest peak in Johto…"

Trainer Red?

Those were the words that struck me. _Trainer_ Red, not Champion. I understood now. Lance was now the Champion of both regions. Red had given up that title when he left.

He had given up so much more.

"A Johtoan trainer who wishes to remain anonymous claims to have seen his silhouette at the top of Mt. Silver, along with the silhouette of his well-known signature Pokemon, his Pikachu." A shot of Mt. Silver, its dizzying caverns and its snow-coated peak, flashed on the screen, all too sickeningly familiar. I guess there was no picture of Red actually on it. And I wouldn't know, though I had tried—I had never actually reached the summit.

_I'm sorry, Red. I should have tried harder…_

As the truth tumbled down on us, I had the bizarre urge to reach out and grasp Blue's hand. I could see his fingers, relaxed, curled slightly, resting nonchalantly on the stool out of the corner of my eye, and the tips of my fingers twitched with longing.

I wanted to make this easier for him. As if I could—I wanted to at least pretend that I could. For a moment, a million apologies sizzled from my skin like shocks of static electricity. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, to comfort him for everything I had and hadn't said when I should have, to tell him I was even sorry for everything Red had done. For a single crazy moment, I felt like a mom, holding a child's hand, protecting him from all the dangers in the world. It was okay, because I was here. It was okay. I wouldn't let anything happen to him.

The crazy urge only lasted for a second. And then the truth hit me.

Busted, Leaf.

I barely even felt Blue move next to me before the image on the screen flickered and disappeared. The TV darkened like the neon lights in the Viridian Gym had, leaving the room empty, save for the yellow kitchen lights. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the remote clutched in his hand like a weapon.

Carefully, I ran my tongue over the cracks in my lower lip, testing the feel of my skin against my muscles, and leaned back into the table. I could move. The spell was broken, the ice melted, the hand unclenched. I was released.

I had to wonder: could I have been a worse friend if I had tried?

I breathed, drawing in a deep gulp of air and surrendering as I exhaled, the way a little kid does in the second after he realizes his parents know what he did that day at school and why he was sent to the principal's office. The way a criminal does in the moment before he confesses, when the muscle in his neck stretched taut during the interrogation finally snaps, followed by the slump of his shoulders, and the reluctant submission of his words.

I owed Blue the truth. And I hadn't given it to him.

He turned toward me, placing the remote back on the table with a sound that echoed through the silent kitchen. I untucked my chin from my neck and stole a glimpse at his face.

His handsome features were calm, unruffled, smooth as a hunk of steel, untouched by even the slightest hint of his trademark smirk. Every angle on his jaw, on his chin and his cheekbones and beneath his smooth forehead, glistened in the lamplight, highlighted in all its furious perfection.

Blue Oak was a masterpiece of angles and smoothness, flung together into his five-foot-nine, lanky, arrogant, annoyingly gorgeous self. The boy he had somehow become since the little kid I had grown up with in Pallet Town. The boy he had become in all his nineteen years of training and traveling, growing stronger and wiser, and yet, somehow, in the end, always getting his ass kicked by his two best friends.

When I looked into his eyes, they were the same ice that had gripped my shoulder with its unyielding, relentless strength. I shivered as, with another rustle of his shirt, Blue stared coolly back at me and pushed a tuft of hair back from his forehead. He licked his lips, dry enough that I could hear the rasp of his tongue against his perfect, chiseled mouth, and decided that it was his turn to speak.

"And when," Blue asked, his voice dangerously soft, "were you planning on telling me that?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The words came spilling out of my mouth like a Waterfall before I could stop them, tumbling over the cuts and dry ridges of my mouth as if of their own accord.

"Blue, I was going to tell you, I'm sorry, I was really going to, I promise…"

Blue just stared back at me, one eyebrow arched in a smooth curve above his cool brown eyes. The words instantly died in my throat, snuffed out like a flame. Too late, the dread crashed into the pit of my stomach. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Maybe he had only been bluffing, and really had no idea what was going on. Maybe I had just blown my own cover, when there had never been any real danger in the first place.

I fell silent and waited for whatever he was going to throw my way.

When Blue got angry, I never knew how he was going to react. Sometimes, he only shrugged and cleared his throat in that intimidating way of his, the way that reminded me so much of Professor Oak, shaping his face into an icy glare. He was good at that kind of anger, cold anger; he wore it like a sharp, razor-pleated tuxedo draped over his shoulders, all angles and points and edges. But other times, he threw a royal tantrum, stomping around the room and yelling and throwing things off the table like he owned the place. Which, knowing him, there was a good chance he did.

I realized my heart was still hammering hard against my ribs, and took a deep breath, through my nose so that he couldn't hear me struggling to calm down. It felt stupid, now, that we were here at all. I remembered, like a distant recollection, my resolve, only hours earlier, bent over the bathroom sink and vowing to my own reflection that I wouldn't tell him. It didn't make sense anymore. Nothing made sense. Why hadn't I told him? The morning's events swam in muddled circles through my head, until I didn't know what I was thinking, like peering through a haze of cold, unforgiving snow. How were we going to work through this now, now that even I didn't believe my own reasons?

When he finally spoke, his voice was slow and steady.

"Leaf," he said calmly. There was an edge to his voice, as if he was biting back dry laughter, which was probably as far from the truth as you could get at this point. "Calm down. I'm not angry at you."

Sure you aren't, I thought bitterly, and then realized I had spoken out loud.

He blinked in surprise and drew back, studying me as if from another angle, almost amused. "Why? Is there a reason I should be?"

Why did he always have to act this way, making you squirm, making you come to him like a trap? He was good at it, I had to admit. It was the way he flirted with girls, the way he made them flock around him without ever having to lift a finger. He was like a damn Persian sometimes, dangling a Rattata between its paws by its scrawny purple tail, toying with it as it hung, completely at his mercy. I hated it. It reminded me of the way I used to hate him, before, when both of us—all three of us—used to journey.

I cleared my throat. "You tell me, Blue."

"Well, I'm not the one who's been keeping secrets, Leaf," he said in that wise-ass way of his, crossing his arms.

For a moment, I let myself breathe, at the same time that anger bubbled in my stomach. Who was he, to be handling things like this? "Blue, is this all some kind of joke to you?"

He flicked his head around. "I'd kind of like to ask you the same thing," he snapped angrily, and I swallowed. Right. I wasn't exactly in a position to criticize him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I bit back my answer, wrapping my teeth around it. I had a feeling he wouldn't have been happy if I shot back with a snappy Tell you what?, but what else could I say? I had nothing, no words to offer him. How could I explain to him that with the way things were now, now that we had learned to live again, the way we had patched over the gaping hole in our lives—there was no breaking it? I stared at the floor, at the Band-Aids double-crossed across my ankles. How could I explain to him that even if I had, there was no way he would have let me?

"Why didn't you?" Blue repeated when I didn't answer, but softer. Without even looking up, I felt him calm down, his shoulders settling back against the table. "You know what, never mind. I have no idea what's going on here." His words were almost nonchalant, ringing through the too-silent room. "All I want to know is if you would do me a favor and explain, before I can make any assumptions."

Ugh. I hated his mood whiplash. This was almost worse than the Blue who shouted and slammed his hand against the table, tugging at his own hair, his eyes blazing and mouth twisted. Cold anger was good, too, even better; I had gotten pretty good at sarcasm myself, throughout the years of having to deal with him. But this Blue, furious one moment, calm and reasonable the next—I didn't know what to say to him.

"Like what?" I muttered. "Explain what?"

He let out something that sounded like a cross between a snort and a sigh. "Okay, then, we can take this from the beginning, if that's what you want." That sly edge to his voice again; those Persian eyes fixed on their prey, slowly advancing. "That's fine. We can start with those cuts." He pointed at my bandaged ankles, and I crossed them defensively, to no avail. It didn't hide the bandages or the skin that suddenly burned underneath it. "Do they have anything to do with this? Because I have a feeling that they do."

I shifted my weight between my feet. "Why, what do you think they are?"

"I don't know, maybe you—no." His eyes widened as he came to a halt, and I ground my heels into the floor, furious at myself and at him, for figuring out the things I thought I had concealed so well. "You didn't…you didn't try to go up there, did you, Leaf?"

"And so what if I did?" I blurted. "Wouldn't you have done the same?"

Too late, I realized what I had set him up for. The furious shock in his eyes as they met mine made my cheeks burn.

"Yes, I would have," he snapped. "Which is why I would have appreciated if, oh, I dunno, you actually let me know he was up there?"

"I didn't know if it was true!" I flung my hands in the air. "I didn't want—I didn't want to bring it up and get your hopes up only for it to be a false alarm! Blue, we haven't talked about him in forever! And the last time I mentioned him…"

"So you thought you would just go find out yourself, go sneak up there and see him yourself and never let me know?"

"I was going to—"

"Because that was totally the best way to go about it, wasn't it?"

"Blue, are you even listening to me? I said I was going to tell you! And I was! I just needed a while to...to think about it myself, because it was kind of a big deal!"

"Yeah, but obviously not big enough to let me process it, or even know what was—" Blue stopped, then, catching on to what I had said. "Wait. What do you mean the last time you mentioned him?"

"You don't remember?" I glared up at him, blood roaring in my ears. Now this just wasn't fair. Blue might have had more of a right to be angry than I did, but not by much. As if he could act like he had been any kind of shoulder to lean on at all; as if he had even tried to reach out once to comfort me. As if. We hadn't spoken Red's name, hadn't even dared to think it, since the news of his disappearance had stopped showing up on TV. We had walked around and pretended it had never happened—and whose fault was that?

"Last time, when we were battling. I said that you were starting to battle like Red, and you just got pissed at me and walked out. That doesn't seem like you were encouraging me to have long heart-to-heart talks about him, does it?"

Blue glowered at me, his eyes cold and stony. "I don't know why you're bringing that up. That's different. At least I wasn't—"

"Well, you weren't exactly warm and fuzzy about it, either. Whenever anything we said got a little too close to talking about Red, you would shut down or stop talking or—oh no, don't you even try to deny it!" I shook my head as he opened his mouth. "That's what you did, and that's what I started doing eventually, too. Even if I wanted to talk about him, sometimes—but I knew you didn't, and I tried to respect that." I rolled my hands into fists, angry now. "And I thought we had finally moved on at this point, and I thought that was what you wanted. We finally went back to normal, you know? No more false leads, no more searching, just…accepting it." I let out a heavy breath and unclenched my fists. "That he's gone."

Blue stared at me for a long moment, his eyes hollow and angry, the dark spheres of his pupils burning against fading brown. The hum of the lights in the kitchen droned into my head, like a drill cutting through skin and bone. "Except he's not," he murmured, dangerously quiet. "Except he might not be."

"I-I know, Blue..." I lay my head on the table, my forehead sinking into my arms. It was tiring to remember all of this, to haul so much baggage up from the things that neither of us wanted to think about, to wade through dark pits of memories that neither of us wanted to crawl into. Why had Red, stupid, silent Red, left in the first place? Why had he torn this hole in the perfect triangle of our relationship, leaving the two of us to live in the mess he had created?

"I didn't want him to be gone, Leaf." Blue's voice was low, hollow, when he spoke again. "Yeah, I hated Red sometimes. Sure. I admit it. I hated him. We were rivals, and no matter what I did, he always won. He took my Champion title away from me, and yeah, part of me never really forgave him for that. And yeah, maybe I didn't know how to talk about him after he was gone. But…"

And then his next sentence shocked me like a Thunderbolt splintering through my entire body. Or maybe an Earthquake that shook the ground beneath my feet. Because I had never, ever thought I would hear Blue Oak say those words, and it was only too bad that in that moment, I could hardly bring myself to relish them.

"But this isn't about me," he said grimly. "Because, not once—not ever—I never wanted him gone. He was my friend. My best friend. Ours."

I raised my head, stands of my own hair tickling my arm as I moved, and looked up at him. Blue was no longer leaning languidly against the table, but hunching over it, his fingers tense against its wooden surface. His eyes were fixed on his fingernails, and I could see his shoulders squared and tightened against the muscles of his neck.

For some reason, I noticed right then that he really could have been gorgeous-okay, fine, was gorgeous anyway-if he wasn't always so damn stubborn all the time, save for moments like this one.

I cleared my throat, the sound grating against the silence like the rough crunch of pebbles underfoot. Where did I even start, responding to his confession?

"I know, Blue," I said. "Look, I know...I know that you and Red's friendship, it...it was complicated." A tiny flicker of a grimace tugged at the corner of Blue's mouth, and I winced at the sound of the words. Geez, from the way I had put it, it sounded as if the two of them had been in a relationship or something. I brushed it aside awkwardly and kept going. "But believe me, I didn't not tell you on purpose because I thought you didn't care about him or anything like that. I know you do-even if you're a stupid idiot who would never, ever admit it in a million years."

Like a reflex, Blue's head snapped up indignantly at the word idiot, and I bit back a smile. It was good, at least, to see that he was still his annoying self.

I let out a sigh, resigned. "Honestly, Blue, I'm sorry for not telling you. But you know me-the sad thing is, even if it weren't for the news, I probably couldn't hold it back for the rest of the day, anyway." Even though he tried to hide it, I saw Blue's face crack into a reluctant smirk, and the sight of it brought a smile to my face. "Really, Blue, what I mean to say is that...I'm sorry. I just...I didn't know how you would react. I really thought you wanted us to move on with our lives, to accept that Red-"

"Leaf," Blue interrupted me, holding up a hand. "I know. I...I can understand why you didn't tell me, as much as I resent it and think it was a stupid decision on your part. I know that I..." He winced, and I could practically see him wrestling with the bitter taste of the apology in his mouth. "I could probably have been more supportive, too, when Red disappeared, yeah. But-honestly, once I get over the fact that you purposely hid this from me...I'm glad to hear that he might be back."

I looked up, hopeful. "You are?"

"Yeah, as annoying as Red is...who wouldn't be?" Blue rolled his eyes, but he stared back at me all the same. "And I want you to know that...I would be willing to go look for him with you."

"You what?" I gaped at him. "Are you serious?"

A glint of smugness flickered through his eyes as he grinned, flashing his spotless white teeth. "Well, Arceus knows you might need my help. Just so, you know, you don't end up cutting yourself to pieces again the next time you try to climb Mt. Silver."

"Oh, shut up, you jerk." I swung playfully at him, but from across the table, my punch didn't land anywhere even close to his shoulder. I rested my head on my shoulder again and gazed solemnly back at him. "But Blue...you have to understand that it's only a rumor. He might not be there at all."

And marching all the way up there only to find an empty peak might hurt even more than never knowing, I added silently.

Blue raised an eyebrow. "Well, better to find out ourselves than to give some random idiot from Johto all the credit for locating the glorious Champion Red, hero of our people, before his roommates do."

His voice dripped with sarcasm, but still, his eyes were fixed on me, completely serious. I stared back at him, an entire pact unraveling in the space between our eyes. A challenge.

"Well, do you really want to take that chance, Blue?"

A smirk uncoiled across his mouth, and his hair rippled against his forehead again in a mess of brown as he raked his fingers through it, striking a battle pose.

"Seriously, do you even know me, Leaf? A challenge-that's what I do best."

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note:<em>

Hi everyone, sorry for the super long wait! I've been really busy recently with college apps, and also National Novel Writing Month, which I'm trying out this year! (And failing miserably at at the moment...D:) Not to mention other stories on here that I updated a few months ago, though that doesn't really count so much. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'm sorry for not updating often at all recently. I will try harder! (And I might even make this my NaNoWriMo project, actually, in a quasi-legal move...in which case I'll hopefully be updating quite a lot!)

In other notes, sorry for the cheesy ending, hehe. :3 And also, sorry for some minor formatting issues, like the dashes turning into hyphens...I'm super picky about that stuff. I got a new computer, and I'm using a different word processing program at the moment that apparently doesn't _do_ dashes, so that would be why.

Hope you liked the chapter, and I'll try to update soon!


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